With Us

“Will you be his mother?” A picture of a black boy flashed into my mind. I remember the exact moment the question came to me. I’d been weeping in the shower again, surrounded by an old blue tub, wondering when God would open my womb again after a devastating miscarriage a few years prior. The silence had been prolonged, and my desire increased. Every moment colored by want.  With that raw-heart of mine, I was not permitted to ignore the sudden thought or neatly tuck the idea into a hope chest for later. I needed to answer now.

I’d begged for results, demanded answers. And oh, He answered. That question-picture dashed away every other thought. In that moment, I knew God was calling me to be a mother. A white mother to a black kid. I dried off, pulled my pajamas on, and ran to ask my husband the same question…

Did you have a bolt-from-heaven moment too? A between-the-eyes knowledge that someday God would give you black babies to love and care for? Or did you always know in your heart of hearts? When that question was put to you, early in the adoption process and myriad of forms, you had to answer the simple query. Will you accept a child of another race as your own? Check here. Will you accept a black child? Check here. You had a live passion within you. Not checking those boxes seemed unfathomable. Check, check, double check. Will the adoption agents understand? How about a few more checks just to make sure that they do. Black boys and girls? Absolutely. I remember checking our boxes, and the look Mark and I gave each other: a sacred yes and amen. Crazy, what a difference nine months could make.

I couldn’t have imagined how full my empty arms would become. Within three and a half years we were given three precious babies. Joy, joy, joy, and diapers galore.

Are you just beginning the adoption process? You have my heart and prayers. God knows who and how and when. Meanwhile, I hope you enjoy preparing!

Are you a new mom? Or are you several years in, and still wondering if you’re getting this white-mom, black-kid thing right? You have friends here. Some of us have been on the mother-journey a little longer than others, but all of us have the same goal in raising our black babies, don’t we?

I remember sitting in the audience and listening to an adoption panel of families that had adopted cross-racially. One comment stuck in my brain, when a hopeful parent asked about infusing black culture into home. How would we know if we’re doing enough? The panelist’s answer was golden. “Concern yourself more about Christ’s culture and you can’t go wrong.”

Christ’s culture. Pin that down. From start to finish, this motherhood-child-rearing race is all about Him. Insecure about your role? Hand it over. It’s all about Him. There’s nothing to fear when God has hand-picked you for this purpose. I like what Elisabeth Elliot said, “The heart set to do the Father’s will need never fear defeat.”

This must be true of you. You have a passion for God and family. God is with us! Indeed and Amen! Embrace that fact as tightly as you embrace your kiddos. God takes on both our incentives and our struggles. Give thanks– we’re in it together.