Piece of Pepper

Do you already have black friends? Of course you do. You are so cool. I can’t imagine life without them. You might even be married to your best black friend (ya’ll so cute!) In our newlywed days, my husband and I lived in a mostly white area in Kentucky. Foothills to the Appalachian Mountains, the town had its own cultural flavor that I simply loved. I have many dear friends who still live there. People of every shade are precious, but there were next to no African Americans in that community. I can see now why God moved my family forward and onward.

If you are one of my black friends, I’m not using you to check a box in my own desire for diversity—I just absolutely love you. And love the fact that God made you brown like my kids. You are a sweet blessing in their lives! And mine and my husband’s too. And yes, in great part that’s because you’re black. That’s not a bad thing. Your godly lives inspire us all. Your stories give me pause. Your advice is golden.

One summer, we beat the heat with a trip to a huge water park. I looked into a crowd of kids standing in this jungle gym giant bucket splasher- thing and lost my son. He disappeared into the crowd. As one black mom put it, “He’s easy to find when he’s the only piece of pepper out there.” My piece of pepper was lost in a pepper shaker. I’d been depending on his skin shade to catch sight of him…and then, in the watery shadows of a hundred screaming kids, I felt shame (and more than a little fear) that I couldn’t immediately spot my own son. I refocused and zeroed in. His hair cut, his favorite swim shorts. There he was! My boy was having the time of his life surrounded by other kids that looked just like him. Let’s just say, this whole parenting thing has been one noisy wake up call after another.

I prayed for God to send us black friends. He did! Little by little, that number has grown. If you are introverted, this may be hard for you. Shed those shy feelings aside for your child’s sake and reach out to people of color. (Oh my goodness, do this for your sake too. It sounds as though I’m hinting at crossing some cavernous divide. I’m not. There isn’t one, nor should there be. But reaching out on purpose to make new friends can sometimes feel like this anyway, regardless of skin.) More often than not, they’ll grasp your hand in friendship and a willing heart. Then you’ll have tons of help with hair, and girl, you are going to need it. But I’ll save that for another day. Believe me, black hair needs its own posts. Maybe even it’s own web page! Totally. Go get some friends, peeps.